"Jane’s breasts scare me. They’re like Mickey Mouse’s ears. Whichever way she turns, they’re still facing you."
"You’ve never understood about bottoms, Jane. Having a bottom is like living with the enemy. Not only do they spend their lives slowly inflating, they flirt with men while we’re looking the other way."
"He works in pizza delivery, which just answers all your prayers, doesn’t it? Man, motorbike, has own food!"
"If I don’t like a woman, if there’s no chemistry, if I’m not attracted to her, then I don’t lead her on, I just get out of there... every time, before she even wakes up."
"We are men. We are different. We have only one word for soap. We do not own candles. We have never seen anything of any value in a craft shop. We do not own magazines full of photographs of celebrities with their clothes on."
"I need breasts with brains. I don’t mean individual brains, obviously... I mean, not a brain each. You know, I like intelligent women, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere... I think breast brains would be over-egging the woman pudding."
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